Thursday, July 9, 2009

Living In Two Worlds

Today I woke up at 5am. Well, I began hitting the snooze button at 5am. It was time for me to leave a world of family, friends, dreams and construction and return to my other self...Firefighter. So after the 2nd round of snooze button dozing, I got up turned on the coffee, hit the bathroom, let two cats out -fed three cats, gave Zak our dog an affectionate pat and headed back to bed for another doze. After another couple of snooze button dozes I finally roused myself to a cup of coffee and morning reflection.

It is interesting to exist in this place between worlds...the world of Firefighter and my other world of soul searching and spiritual integration. In reality if I am integrating my soul and spiritual self, I should not feel that I live in two worlds...yet I do. My two separate communities do not really know each other. Nor does each community see this other part of my life. It is quite disorienting to me at times. Surreal even.

These thoughts rattled around in my head as I pulled on my capri's, t-shirt and shoes, gathered up my portable office of books and laptop. My husband mumbled a sleepy "Goodbye Honey, drive safe" as I kissed his blond bearded cheek and fell back into sleep. Most often Zak stays curled up in his bed, knowing that I am leaving for some other place than home. But this morning he accompanied me to our front door to see me off. I gave him a thump, thump thump on his side as he leaned into my legs.

As I opened the door I was immersed in the damp, early morning smell of the forest. I paused, turned my face upward, soaked it in and gave thanks for my life. I then gave Zak one last pat and a "Be a good boy. Take care of Daddy". I closed the white rimmed slider that is our front door, locked it with a zingle of keys and turned to walk down the stairs of our deck and down the long path to my parked car, where I drove away to my other life.


  1. April... I see you the "constant" in both worlds. Your peacefulness, soulfulness, your Soul Song, goes with you in both environments. Perhaps the firefighter comes through as the most dominant when you're there... as perhaps it should. But you are always carrying your "Soul Song".

    How lovely to turn your face to the healing energy of your mountain misted Redwood paradise!

    Thank you for sharing yourself with us! You are truly a beautiful soul!
    I love you,

  2. I am reading this with tears welling up in my eyes. What has touched me so deeply? I'm feeling a sadness in your writing today. Sadness that there are two worlds...instead of an integrated One. A sadness of leaving home, hearth, and loved ones. A sadness for having to get up so bloody early :)

    I know this feeling well. I, too, lived in two worlds for several years. I had outgrown my "day job" and was so wanting to live full time in my new, highly spiritual avocation. But we live in a material world and it just wasn't time or smart, financially, for me to leave. So, I learned how to blend my two worlds together. I started having "Brown Bag Lunch Sessions" at work, geared to help people live happier, healthier, more fulfilling lives. I also went to my boss...and my boss' boss and started giving workshops on the same subjects to their staffs. I started integrating!

    I was making the best of my situation, learning all the while what resonated with people. I used my "day job" as a teaching ground for my "real calling".

    I see you doing exactly the same, April. I know it isn't always easy to live in two worlds and even integrating the two worlds. There is so much to learn in this journey, however. And you will be a wiser, better teacher for this experience.

    I love you!