Kitchens Can Be Sacred Too

Yea thats right, kitchens can be sacred too... and mine is. It may be unfinished with studs exposed, cabinets unhung and an exposed plywood subfloor. But thats all right, because I know its value. I know what it is bringing to me now and what it will bring to me later. I absolutely love my kitchen...and that is why it will be completed soon. I have chosen to charish and care for it. I will build it with devotion, love, tenderness, laughter and comraderie.

My kitchen is a sacred journey into patience, reflection, knowing what is important and grace. It teaches me what I long for... a home that is inviting, real, functional, grounded. A place to eat healthy meals, read, write, do homework, have great conversations with my honey, with family and with my cherished friends. It teaches me that I am ready for a real home of my own, rich in exprience and life. It teaches me that I am ready to move inward toward myself so that I am able to move outward toward others with love, compassion and deep presence. WOW what a GREAT KITCHEN!!!

Heart Songs Rock!

Heart Songs Are:

The way we love our friends and family.

Those moments that we pause and feel the living breeze brush our cheek.

The conversation that begins as a grumbing, clashes into pain, quiets into listening and evolves into seeing self and other with love and compassion.

Moving through fatigue and resistance because we love our vision, our Commitments &

Working

Creating

Playing

Writing

Listening

Loving

Seeing.

Heart Songs are

Loving Life...all of it.

Heart Songs Rock!

Fatique and Guilt :-(

I have come to acknowledge that guilt has a place in my life...it tells me when I need to cut myself some slack...and it tells me that I have not lived into a commitment to myself.

I have made a commitment to myself (witnessed by three of my dearest friends) that I will post on my blog everyday for 30 days straight. Well I have missed two days in a row, dang it!

But here I am (and believe me my eyes and body ache with exhaustion right now) back in the saddle. I got bucked off the horse of my commitment by fatigue & resistance. So tonight I dust of the fatigue, place my hands on the hips of attitude and jump on with words that roll out of their own accord. In the end, I may read this tomorrow and find the mindless ramblings of a delirious soul just going through the motions of a promise...or just maybe, I may learn from my own writings. We can always hope.

Sickness and Integration

Well last night I was sick. This wasn't just a achy body not feeling right kinda sick. Ooooh no! It was a hug the toilet bowel sick, while I puked my guts out. And every time I attempted to stand up a wave of nausea would wash over me until the toilet bowl and I were one once again. Finally, I surrendered my feeble attempts to separate myself from this porcelain sanctuary and just eased myself down on the bathroom floor close to my new caretaker...the toilet.

When my Honey came home from the office, he took pity on me and helped me up to our bed, where I fell into the exhausted sleep of one who had been digging ditches all day long. Today I woke up with a still rebellious stomach, but I was able to keep things at bay and I am feeling better and more rested this evening.

After this full day of nursing, resting and caring for myself, it feels like an emotional shift has taken place. I feel at peace. I wonder why? What kind of emotional purging took place while my body was expelling and rejecting?

Upon reflection, I remember that just 3 days ago I attended a Reiki Expansion meet up, facilitated by my dear friend JOYce Leonard (check out her blog http://joyceleonard.blogspot.com/ ). There were 5 of us Reiki Practitioners there and we each had an opportunity to lay on the table and receive Reiki from 4 others. Before we received we stated out loud an intention for our session. My intention was one word - "FOCUS". This word expresses my desire to simplify my life and to bring into alignment all parts of myself - Writer, Artist, Reiki Bearer, Shamanic Visionary, Student, Teacher, Wife, Firefighter and some many others parts that I have not yet discovered.

In the way of connecting to our Sacred Energy (Reiki) the answer to bringing FOCUS into my life did not blare itself out to me in a booming voice (well I guess this could potentially happen on rare occasions). What I noted was an anxiousness and fatigue the following day (while at work at the firehouse), sadness, grieve and a bit of anger. None of this associated with any one experience... a frenzied busyness the next day (at home) in an attempt to get projects done, followed by all out purging while hugging the toilet that night...followed by calling in sick to work this morning and quiet reflection all day long...followed by peace this evening. An EMOTOIONAL SHIFT ...a POWERFUL INTEGRATION...due to healing and release that I cannot see clearly yet.

I do know clarity and insight will follow, for this is the way of REIKI. I am Grateful.

I Am Reiki

As my friend Joyce Leonard often says,

"We do not do Reiki, we are Reiki."

I am Reiki. Ahhh. Now that feels right and good. The Japanese word Reiki translates most directly to Rei = Sacred Ki=Energy. I have been in touch with this energy before I new that a modality of Reiki existed.

In another life (only 5 years and more ago) I would run the hills of Pena Adobe -a large park (acres of land) in Vacaville, Ca. This was a sacred time for me. I would run and with the rhythmic beat of my feet upon earth I would enter a meditative state. If only I had written down some of the profound insights and visions I had during these passages. But I diverse.

Invaribly when I reached the hightest peak of Pena Adobe and looked out over the landscape of my town and beyond, I was humbled with the privilege of living. With this deep gratitude, I felt the connection of a loving, healing energy that literally filled me up and then radiated through my very skin. I would be so grateful for this connection that I would ask that this beautiful light would extend out to my family & friends and on to my town - Vacaville, on to my state - California, on to my country - the US, on to my world, on to my Universe and on and on and on never stopping. It was endless. It did not run out. It did not deplete me to extend this extraordinary sacred energy, essence, LOVE, whatever we choose to call it out to eternity. In fact, it made me Vital, Whole, Happy & Peaceful. I did not have a worry in the world during those times. All was perfect. This is Reiki.

In my most perfect moments, I am Reiki.

Living In Two Worlds

Today I woke up at 5am. Well, I began hitting the snooze button at 5am. It was time for me to leave a world of family, friends, dreams and construction and return to my other self...Firefighter. So after the 2nd round of snooze button dozing, I got up turned on the coffee, hit the bathroom, let two cats out -fed three cats, gave Zak our dog an affectionate pat and headed back to bed for another doze. After another couple of snooze button dozes I finally roused myself to a cup of coffee and morning reflection.

It is interesting to exist in this place between worlds...the world of Firefighter and my other world ...one of soul searching and spiritual integration. In reality if I am integrating my soul and spiritual self, I should not feel that I live in two worlds...yet I do. My two separate communities do not really know each other. Nor does each community see this other part of my life. It is quite disorienting to me at times. Surreal even.

These thoughts rattled around in my head as I pulled on my capri's, t-shirt and shoes, gathered up my portable office of books and laptop. My husband mumbled a sleepy "Goodbye Honey, drive safe" as I kissed his blond bearded cheek and fell back into sleep. Most often Zak stays curled up in his bed, knowing that I am leaving for some other place than home. But this morning he accompanied me to our front door to see me off. I gave him a thump, thump thump on his side as he leaned into my legs.

As I opened the door I was immersed in the damp, early morning smell of the forest. I paused, turned my face upward, soaked it in and gave thanks for my life. I then gave Zak one last pat and a "Be a good boy. Take care of Daddy". I closed the white rimmed slider that is our front door, locked it with a zingle of keys and turned to walk down the stairs of our deck and down the long path to my parked car, where I drove away to my other life.

I Am Part Firefighter

I am part Firefighter.
What I mean by that is that I am a Firefighter, but this is only part of who I am as a whole. Firefighter does not describe that part of me that is Searcher, Writer, Artist, Visionary, Healer and Wife. It does not describe the Shamanic aspect of my Self nor the part of me that is connected to Reiki - that Sacred Energy that animates me and transforms me when I embrace it even just a little. … and profoundly transforms me when I embrace it fully. I am also a builder, a dreamer, a doer, and a procrastinator. I am evolving and changing so quickly that I can hardly keep up with me.
So WHO AM I? I am me, April - a complex, beautiful, human entity.

WHO ARE YOU?